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Silent but not Silenced, Epilogue
Silent but not Silenced. REHAB Week 1
Silent not Silenced Week 1
Silent but not silenced. Day 5
Silent not Silenced. Day 4

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Silent but not Silenced, Epilogue

FOUR MONTHS LATER ...

I don't even know where to begin.  Four months has flown.  The past year has flown.  A week after my last post, I made a return trip to the doctor, who told me that the hemorrhage was completely healed, as well as the swollen vocal fold and accompanying nodule.  He said that I still had (have) a node on the other fold and wanted me to have it surgically removed, which I did not want to do. This has resulted in a more prolonged rehab period, and I'm still not out of the woods yet.

Silent but not Silenced. REHAB Week 1

REHAB, Day 9  10.17.2013
 
I'm not singing, but I'm notnotsinging ...
 
Last Tuesday, 10.8, was Zero Hour.  My mandatory 2 1/2 weeks of vocal rest were up.  This was the day the doctor said I could start singing again.  I had spend the 17 days leading up to that in great anticipation of what would be.  Then the day came and I was overcome with fear.  Honestly, the last thing I wanted to do was sing.  I knew it wouldn't be pretty, but I was more worried that it wouldn't be there at all.

Silent not Silenced Week 1

Days 6 -  13 ... An Overview
 
It's been a while ...
 
After my last, very depressing post, I wasn't inspired to continue sharing my journey.  Then, when Iwas, I didn't know where to pick up from.  That day was a super rough one, and even though I can tell you now that it was a combination of the steroids and my hormones going crazy, it also felt (and, to some extent, still feels) so real, that it's still a bit raw.  The only way I could explain it to anyone would be to ask you to think of one thing, one activity, that brings you joy in a way that nothing else could or will ever do; and now imagine that you cannot do that thing, and instead try to replace it with something else.

Silent but not silenced. Day 5

Day 5   9.25.2013
 
 
I'm a Dancer and a Dancer dances.
 
So goes the iconic line from the musicalA Chorus Line.  And that's how I've always felt about being a singer.  It's not just what I do, it's who I am.  I sing because I am a singer.  And a singer sings.  Except how I don't right now.  And the realization that the music goes on while you're waiting to get better can really hurt.
 
I am dispensable.

Silent not Silenced. Day 4

Day 4   9.24.2013
 
And the side effects have begun!
 
I thought I might get lucky and not experience any of the side effects of the steroids.  Turns out it just took four days of having them in my system for anything to show up.  As I was sitting in my first lesson of the day, I started feeling ridiculously hungry.  Like, I mean HUNGRY, as if I could eat an entire Thanksgiving dinner - TWICE.  So I hit up Target on my way home, to pick up a box of crackers to munch on.

Silent not silenced. Day 3

Day 3   9.23.2013
 
I've noticed a couple of changes in my body since starting my new rehab regimen.  One (and I had no idea it would happen this fast) is that my skin looks great!  It's the water.  This time of year, my skin on my face gets all dry & flaky, and I have to moisturize like crazy every day because if I don't I look like some creepy, flaky skinned creature from a horror film.  But this morning I looked in the mirror and my skin is rosy and soft.

Silent but not silenced. Days 1 and 2

Day 1   9.21.2013
 
We are halfway through Day 2 of my Three Week Journey of rehabilitation and recovery from a Vocal Hemorrhage.  Here's what yesterday (Day 1) brought me.  Water.  Lots and lots of water.  I feel like I'm going to float away.  Yesterday I drank about a gallon and a half of water, throughout the day.  Now, don't get me wrong - this is what I'm supposed to be doing.  Hydration is key (next to the whole no speaking or singing thing).

Silent but not silenced. My rehab journey.

"How long do I have to not sing for, Doctor?"
 
"Two and a half weeks.  And only light speaking for that time as well.  I know it's going to be difficult for you.  Will you be able to do this?"
 
"I'm going to do whatever you tell me to do, if it means at the end I have my voice back."
 
"Two and a half weeks, then.  Absolutely no singing.  Not even a little.  You must be silent."
 
That's how my journey began .

God, I Hope I Get It ...

You've prepared for your audition.  You walk in, present your 32 bars to the very best of your ability, and leave feeling like you could not have done better.  You feel equally as confident after your callback.  And then the call comes.  Thank you very much, however ...
 
What did you do wrong?????  In a word, nothing.
 
Not every audition is going to yield you a role.  In fact, the more auditions you go on, the greater you chances are of being cut.  Moreover, even if you are cast, you may not always get the role you auditioned for.

'tis the sea...ACHOO...son

"I'm sorry my audition didn't sound so good.  I have a cold."

"My allergies are bothering me today."

"I can't sing in rehearsal.  I have a sore throat."

"Can we reschedule my lesson?  My nose is stuffy and I can't breathe."

I have heard it all.  Welcome to Autumn.

This is the time of year when the combination of dry leaves; the last remnants of cut grass; the rain; the cold/warm changes in weather; and the subsequent mold that comes with it all (Imagine all those dead leaves sitting in all that dead grass for weeks after it has rained.
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